My Trauma Isn’t “Bad Enough” for Therapy? Why Your Childhood Experiences Still Matter

One of the most common things I hear from new clients is:
“My trauma wasn’t that bad.”

People often minimize their pain with thoughts like:

• “Other people had it worse.”

• “I wasn’t hit or screamed at, so why am I struggling?”

• “I should be over it by now.”

This is a natural, protective response. But the truth is—trauma exists on a continuum. Your experiences matter, and they can impact your life even if they don’t seem “big enough” to count as trauma.

What Counts as Trauma?

Some clients come to me with obvious, overwhelming experiences—like childhood abuse, parental mental illness, violence, or narcissistic parenting. Others describe their childhood as “pretty normal,” but when we look closer, we often find:

• A parent who was emotionally unavailable due to depression or stress.

• A caregiver with rigid expectations, creating pressure and anxiety.

• Feeling compared to siblings, left out, or labeled “difficult.”

• Growing up without emotional guidance or coping skills.

These experiences may not feel dramatic, but they leave lasting imprints. Childhood trauma and challenging caregiver relationships often show up later as anxiety, depression, relationship struggles, or unhealthy coping (like alcohol use or binge eating).

Big T vs. Little t Trauma

Therapists sometimes describe trauma as:

• Big T Trauma: obvious, overwhelming events such as abuse, accidents, or violence.

• Little t Trauma: less visible but deeply impactful experiences, like chronic criticism, emotional neglect, or never feeling good enough.

Both matter. Both can change the way your brain works. And both deserve healing.

Why Healing Matters

When trauma goes unprocessed, the brain stores it in a way that keeps re-activating in the present. That’s why certain people, places, or tones of voice can trigger anxiety, sadness, or anger even years later.

EMDR therapy is a memory-based approach that helps the brain reprocess these experiences. You don’t forget what happened, but the memories stop feeling raw and triggering. Instead of overwhelming you, they become part of your past—not your present.

Clients often describe a sense of relief and freedom: the symptoms that once felt unshakable no longer control them.

The Bottom Line

No matter where your trauma falls on the continuum, you deserve healing.
Your pain doesn’t need to be compared, measured, or justified. If you’re struggling, it’s valid—and it’s worth getting support.