Holding on to Hope When It Feels Like Nothing Will Ever Change
So many people come to EMDR therapy with a heavy thought: “I’ve tried everything. Nothing will ever change. What’s the point in trying again?”
I hear this often, and I don’t take it lightly. When someone sits in my office and bravely admits they don’t believe therapy will work, I appreciate their honesty. It shows me just how much they’ve carried, how much effort they’ve already put in, and how exhausted they are by pain that feels endless.
And I get it. I can’t ever guarantee outcomes — no therapist can. But after thousands of hours of EMDR therapy with clients, what I can say is this: change and healing are possible, even when the roots feel the stickiest, darkest, and most tangled.
Borrowing Hope When You Don’t Have Any
One of the most important parts of my role as an EMDR therapist is to hold onto hope when clients cannot.
When someone says, “I don’t think this will work,” I gently acknowledge that I don’t know for sure either. What I do trust — fully and deeply — is each client’s nervous system and its capacity to heal when given the right support.
In moments of doubt, clients can borrow my trust. They don’t have to carry it themselves right away.
What Makes Healing Possible
In my experience, the ingredients that allow healing to unfold include:
A willingness to try, even when it feels pointless
Trusting the process, little by little
Feeling safe enough in the therapy relationship to explore difficult places
Having the motivation to walk into the “dark tunnel,” even when unsure if there’s light on the other side
When these pieces come together, something remarkable happens. Over weeks or months, clients begin to tell me about the changes they notice — sometimes subtle, sometimes profound.
The Beauty of Noticing the Shift
It’s not about me telling clients they’re healed. The real beauty of EMDR therapy is when they begin to feel the difference themselves.
A memory that once triggered panic now feels neutral.
A voice of self-doubt grows quiet.
The constant heaviness of anxiety lightens.
Life starts to feel more spacious, more hopeful, more possible.
These shifts may start small — and at times they are massive. Either way, they are felt, lived, and undeniable.
Hope Is the First Step
If you’re reading this and wondering, “Can I improve? Will life ever feel better?” — know that you don’t have to answer that alone. You can borrow my hope until you feel your own.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but I’ve seen again and again that it does happen. And when it does, the joy is not just in my seeing it — it’s in you feeling it for yourself.
